The Matrix (1999)

It's customary to comment that The Matrix is an archetype for why sequels are a terrible idea, and how a good thing can be ruined by excessive philosophy. Say what you like about the sequels, the original was and is a clever piece of science fiction, bringing some very old metaphysical questions into the public consciousness and giving us some brilliant special (and practical) effects into the bargain. While it wasn't the first piece of fiction to explore the idea of a false reality (it was preceded by decades by Daniel F. Galouye's Simulacron-3 and Philip K. Dick's Time Out of Joint), it popularised the notion, and remains a synonym for the concept. The strongest aspect of the original film, as opposed to its successors, is that the concepts are there, but it is left to the audience to discuss it, debate it, and draw their own conclusions. I defy anyone who ever saw this film who denies that, even for a second, they ever wondered if they were in the Matrix, that perhaps reality isn't so real after all. All this being said, The Matrix is first and foremost an action film, and the action is fast-paced and exciting, incorporating enough special effects to make it spectacular without removing all realism. The scene everyone remembers (and which has been parodied to death) is the lobby sequence, where nary a slab of marble is left intact after a hectic gun-battle-cum-kung-fu-fight, complete with the iconic look of the main characters. Shades and trench-coats have never been cooler.


Well... In theory...

Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)

As a double feature, Resident Evil: Extinction does serve to make its predecessor Apocalypse look good. Flawed as it may be, Apocalypse was undeniably a Resident Evil movie. Extinction, on the other hand, swerves furiously away from the previous films in style and setting. Before, we had the enclosed settings of the Hive or Raccoon City, but now we have a road movie of survivors making their way across the wasteland that was once the United States. Thanks to a thirty second narrative exposition, we learn that the T-virus has powers far beyond reanimating the dead, evidently able to dry up lakes and rivers, wipe the planet clean of plant life, and even allow densely-populated areas into deserts in a matter of years (five to be exact). Sensing that this makes no sense, Jill is nowhere to be seen (without even a token mention of her fate), replaced by Claire Redfield, with Carlos and comic relief LJ returning from Apocalypse. But again, this film is about Alice and her amazing fighting abilities, which now include psychic powers so powerful that she is able to destroy a crucial microchip inside the satellite that the Umbrella Corporation is trying to use to control her. But one Alice isn't enough to carry these films any more, and so we are treated to hundreds of clones of Alice appearing in the final shot, setting up the ludicrous opening scene from the sequel, Afterlife. Even as a zombie film this is subpar, far more suited to fans of Milla Jovovich, unconvincing kung-fu, and Milla Jovovich.


Take some of your own advice, Paul.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

When adapting a survival horror video game for the big screen, there are a few rules that any aspiring screenwriter should follow: stay true to the source material, don't disrespect any of the beloved characters from the games, and most importantly, survival horror is all about atmosphere, and this should be reflected in your movie. Paul W.S. Anderson clearly had a note of all of these rules, since he managed to avoid following every single one. While this is a decent enough zombie film, and the follow-up departs much more from Resident Evil, the flashy action scenes don't scream "atmosphere". Unlike the first film, this movie has alot more in common with Resident Evil, featuring characters Jill Valentine and Carlos Oliveira, and classic series baddie Nemesis, and taking place in Raccoon City. That being said, since they had already established that the film's heroine is Alice Nosurname, genetic aberration and ass-kicker extraordinaire, she would have to remain as the main focus, and thus, Jill and Carlos are knocked back into secondary character roles. This wouldn't be too heinous, but this film seems to relish the demotion, particularly in one painful scene - Jill has just rescued Angie from a couple of zombified dogs, and leaks gas into the area, setting a book of matches and throwing them behind her to light the gas and destroy the dogs. However, the matches go out, and it's up to Alice to throw a lighter past the two and ignite the gas. Jill is made to look incompetent, and Alice adds to her already-overstuffed awesome pile. This is probably the best in the series, though the character disrespect can be irritating to fans of the game series.


Surprisingly, they make some things perfectly loyal to the source material.

Memoirs Of A Geisha (2005)

This is normally not the kind of film I'd find the least bit interesting, but actually sitting down to watch it changed my mind very quickly. Historical yet fictionalised biopics like The Last King of Scotland or JFK have always interested me, and Memoirs of a Geisha functions in much the same way. The film tells the (fictional) life-story of Chiyo Sakamoto, otherwise known as Sayuri, as she is sold into slavery as a child, survived a harsh life as a servant-girl (and whipping girl of star geisha Hatsumomo), before finally being taken under the wing of veteran geisha Mameha to become the most sought-after geisha in the land. And all this to win the love of a man who bought her a sorbet as a little girl. While this seems to be an incredibly feminine kind of film, the training and devotion necessary make for a harsh life (not unlike Nina's life in Black Swan), as well as the sheer perseverance and will of Sayuri make this seem more like Rocky than Sex and the City. Couple this with the truly spectacular setting of a early-20th century Japan, showing the rapid modernisation of the Meiji Restoration alongside the traditional architecture, blending seamlessly. The sight of a man in a business suit walking in the grounds of a pagoda while women in kimonos saunter by shows a unique and exotic setting. The story of a very strong woman living through an extraordinary time in history in a harsh and beautiful culture.


We'll just forgive the Chinese and Malaysian actresses in the lead roles...

Black Swan (2010)

Around the awards season it's not unreasonable to have a fair degree of scepticism about likely nominations being thrown around. In this case, Natalie Portman is being touted as a shoe-in for the Best Actress Oscar, having already won the Golden Globe in the same category, for her role as a veteran ballerina in Darren Aronofsky's Black Swan. Happily, Portman deserves her nomination for this part, a vulnerable and damaged young woman who discovers many things about herself after being chosen for the dual role of the Swan Queen in a production of Swan Lake. It's implied that Portman's character Nina was always high-strung and obsessive to the point of madness, and we see her begin to break under the pressure of her starring role, struggling to portray the feisty and sensual Black Swan, and fearing that new dancer Lily (Mila Kunis) will steal way her chance for success after years of intensive training. The entire film is slightly unnerving, with the ostentatious displays of Nina's cracking psyche balanced by many tiny, background effects that cause the viewer to wonder if they just imagined the moving picture or distorted face in their peripheral vision. Tchaikovsky dominates the musical score, lending a sense of immense grandeur to the proceedings, and cementing the music of Swan Lake into even the most ballet-phobic male stereotype. The incredibly tense finale is a blend of thunderous music, beautiful dancing, and some truly breath-taking imagery as Nina loses herself in her role and allows her old self to be overcome. The hype is justified and in this case the film is as much a piece of entertainment as a piece of art.


And I'm sure this scene wasn't added to placate hen-pecked boyfriends...

Season of the Witch (2011)

This film has the distinction of being the first I saw this year, and sadly the experience was hardly a memorable one. After enjoying both the lead actors (Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman) take on roles where, while badly written, were highly enjoyable due to their performance, the quiet and sober performances they give in this film are bland and forgettable. Not using Nic Cage to his full and lunatic potential should be considered a capital offence. Accents change with gay abandon, and the film never quite loses the air that it doesn't have a clue where all this action is supposed to be taking place. The movie is undermined, as that the film establishes in its opening scene that the titular witches are very real, and that the church is right to be killing women to defend the populace. Hence, all the succeeding moments where the priest is demonised for wanting to do away with the young woman accused of witchcraft are ridiculous, and make our main characters look like fools. But the biggest kicker of the entire film is that Season of the Witch has no witches in it! Pardon spoilers, but the main witch isn't a witch, but rather a girl possessed by a demon, granting her her supernatural abilities. The witches we see at the start seem to have the same powers and appearance, suggesting that they too were possessed. Hence, there are no witches in Season of the Witch, though there are both demons, man-eating wolves and monk zombies. Such stereotypical zombies that it is even explicitly stated in the film that the only way to kill them is to remove the head. Hardly a terrible film, but suffers from errors of pacing, casting and titling.


These are not interchangeable!

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Nowadays, if one thinks of a teen movie, the mind turns to gross-out humour, casual nudity and rampant cursing. But in the Age of John Hughes a teen movie was a journey of self-discovery, growing up, or just plain wish-fulfilment, showing us the best of how teenage life can be. And while films like Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club gave us a rare realism in how strange and difficult growing up can be, Ferris Bueller's Day Off is simple indulgence. That being said, our three main characters, wunderkind and folk hero Ferris (Matthew Broderick), neurotic Cameron (Alan Ruck) and kind-hearted Sloane (Mia Sara), are surprisingly relatable, despite being played by a group of twentysomethings (Alan Ruck was 29 when he played Cameron!). Every one of us has been crippled by the kind of uncertainty that plagues Cameron, and Ferris is that inhumanly confident friend, always capable of talking you into things you never dreamed you could do. Of course, thinking about it for too long will lead you to the conclusion that Ferris is really just a privileged upper-middle-class kid who lies to his entire family just so he can indulge himself, where villain Rooney (Jeffrey Jones) is just an educator doing his job. But every teenager had a time where they wished they could fight back against the establishment and truly live their lives, and this film captures the feeling perfectly, feeling as relevant now as it did in 1986, thanks to its timeless message...


Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Alien: Resurrection (1997)

The fourth film in the Alien franchise is often dismissed as an irrelevant abomination, diving to depths that even it's dark and dreary predecessor never reached. I heartily rebuke these accusations, not just because Paul W. S. Anderson showed us how bad it could have been, but because this film is good fun. Of course, when what should be a dark and terrifying science fiction horror ends up being funny, action-heavy and just plain fun, something seems to have gone wrong. But I thoroughly enjoyed this instalment, not least because of the excellent character of Clone Ripley. Of course, her hybrid human-Alien existence makes little sense, but her quiet and slightly inhuman attitude makes her dangerous, funny and frighteningly capable. The rest of the cast do their jobs well enough, particularly Winona Ryder's diminutive android or Ron Perlman's endlessly endearing jackass. But this isn't to say that this film is just all-out comedy, as there are frightening scenes (notably the aquatic Aliens), and one particular scene stands out; Clone Ripley discovers a room of her failed predecessors, finding one still alive and begging to be killed, to which she obliges. The scene is chilling and well-performed, and remains the most iconic thing about the film. Sadly, every new Alien film needs a new breed of the titular beasties, and Alien: Resurrection gives us the Newborn, a ridiculous-looking hybrid of human and Alien traits that utterly fails to inspire either terror or intrigue - it merely disappoints. A mixed bundle, but if you can look past the silliness, there's definitely alot to enjoy here.


I guess Steve Buscemi wanted to go uncredited...

King Kong (2005)

It's nearly truism that remakes are inferior to the originals, since they are almost always sold principally on the name, and pander either to existing fans only, or to such a wide audience that the spirit of the original is utterly lost. The exception to this situation is when you manage to find a director who is both a colossal fanboy of the subject matter, and capable of making great films. Enter Peter Jackson, a man who had already had a crack at a King Kong remake at age 12, and lifelong fan of the 1933 classic. And this could not be a more respectful or fitting reimagining of the King Kong story, taking the entire story very seriously and treating a rather ridiculous story as real drama. Kong himself is a perfect blend of human and animal, acting as both a terrible and destructive monster and a painfully tragic and misunderstood animal. The entire cast turns in a good performance, including Jack Black in the least over-the-top and probably best performance I've seen. The film runs for 3 hours, which can seem like overkill, but the story will sweep you up and keep you engrossed through the whole thing, barring a few awkward scenes (particularly the scene of Ann and Kong ice-skating in the midst of a military alert). Besides, the entire running length would still be worth sitting through to see the modern take on the final iconic scene of Kong atop the Empire State Building, beset by machine-gun-toting bi-places is truly stunning, taking full advantage of technology to create something truly special. Alot changed in 72 years, but the story of the Eighth Wonder of the World remains one of the best modern legends ever conceived.


"I shay shweetheart, do you perhapsh fanshy a night-cap?"